Another year has passed by and DAMN IT… I feel so damn OLD.
It’s really getting to me. It’s been 5 years at its most. I have for most of the time — been lost. Somehow, I know deep inside me that all these have to stop. It’s not about collections anymore, I draw and paint good — sometimes people say they thought I am a professional artist, when actually that is just one of my hobbies and didn’t go through any art during school.
I take lots of pictures — collections yet again, for the sake of my vanity and also for the eye candy that everyone else can enjoy… Yet, I do not have a decent portfolio on which I can even try to submit and fulfill one of my dreams.
I’ve written many songs. I have a few good ones that will make you listen, even when most ended up in the bin. But did I get to finish any of them? No… — I was always too busy or too lazy.
THESE — all these have to somehow… STOP already.
Now is the time to DO or DIE… It’s NOW or NEVER… PUT UP or SHUT UP.
I have to organize myself… I have to be better, no — I WANT TO BE THE BEST!
I noticed this that everywhere I go I get company. Even online people approach me. At facebook and what used to be my friendster (which I deleted) I got thousand plus on my list… People I don’t know, people I do know but do not talk to, people I do know and talk to, people I got to know — somehow I feel that this is not enough. The problem is on my side. I’ve always been too busy and lazy for everyone.
I mean busy is ok. I love doing things — I am a workaholic, I can’t stand it if I’m not doing anything. But the lazy part of me is growing like cancer. That goes for everything I do… when I eat, I’m so lazy to think of my weight that sometimes I do put on a few pounds which makes me look like a teddy bear during photoshoots, then there’s that too lazy to run, too lazy for anything… and of course at work, to lazy to think that I am actually working — and I do blame this on the office thingy. I want OUT.
So here are my resolutions for the year 2009.
1. In art focus on “The Dolls from the Town of Kin” original characters cartoon series.
2. Learn bass guitar and improve keyboard skills while composing songs for Dernier Quart. I have a 12 track compilation to finish plus 2 bonus tracks that is the English versions of Neverland and Anata to Watashi Tsui Sekai. Ganbattemasu!!!!
3. GET TONED. No more softdrinks. More Water. No more JUNK FOOD. Walk if not RUN — anytime possible EVERY other day.
4. Work on that portfolio. I met two good photographers this time and I will work on that creativity in front or at the back of the camera. I want to produce a good photo book by the end of the year.
5. Apply and apply, try and try on job opportunities and talent/model agencies within Asia.
6. Save up every monthly pay and no splurging!!!
7. Make new friends and meet new people. Try and keep up with old ones. Really this has been my mistake for the last 5 years. I have to make up for those who stuck with me through the WORST parts of my life and seen the WORST part of me. I will try to be a better friend to everyone this time.
8. Keep my eyes on the goal. Never give up and try not to be lazy… People expect things from me and I can NOT fail them. I mean why else would those thousands want to get to know me if they didn’t see something here that is good. So I have to prove it. I will do my best for them, at least that… even when I don’t talk to them or so.
9. I used to think that I have it. I don’t even have to try. I have a little luck behind me and everything I touch sort of works out fine (this is in any case besides LOVE — I have never been LUCKY in love… I want to get enlightened in that area though.) — but luck and fate are not to be played with. They are not to be taken for granted. I will be more serious in everything I do now. It’s about time. I’m old — I really should grow up.
I AM HANAJIMA — I am the flower that blooms again and again. I never DIE…
—- what is yours?
